Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I’m not a very good attention whore

Last weekend I bought a pretty loud pair of shoes. Okay, they’re not so much loud as they are completely obnoxious. To quote my buddy “Dude, it looks like you stepped in unicorn poop.”

Yeah, I bought them partially because (I think) they look awesome, but mainly because they’re a great shoe. I love walking/running/sleeping in them (they glow in the dark, okay!)

So today I went to Costco in my unicorn poop shoes and no less than 6 people commented on how awesome my shoes were.
The DirectTV guy actually asked if he could take a picture of them, so I literally stood there posing for two minutes so he could get a good picture (I wonder if there is now a picture of my shoes and cankles on some guy’s Facebook page)
At one point, as Tammie and I were in line waiting to get our $2 slices of pizza, there was a crowd of four people, standing there, staring at my shoes and talking about them. Even the homeless guy behind me said he was going to get a pair (although he wanted the high top hiking/mountain, and presumably urine-proof version)
Now I’m all for being the attention whore. Let’s face it, I’m covered in tattoos, I own two pink bikes and I’m ridiculously good looking, it kinda goes without saying, but it was almost embarrassing just standing there, answering questions about the most ridiculous shoes ever made and I almost didn’t like it.

It reminded me of how, when I was 19, I super-glued a Big Gulp cup to the roof of my car and went ripping around town.
There’s nothing funnier than someone ON THE FREEWAY trying to flag you down and tell you that you left your drink on your roof.
People would honk and yell and point at my roof and I would just play stupid, like I didn’t know what they were talking about and they would just look at me like I was an idiot (the joke was in them)

After about two days of people honking and yelling and getting out of their cars at stoplights to get my drink for me, it really got old fast and I had to take it off.

I like attention. I think everybody does, but I think I can only take it in small doses. I can’t imagine how celebrities deal with fame. Maybe I can write Richard Gere, or my ex-wife (lol) a letter and ask them.

I can’t return my unicorn poop shoes, and I wouldn’t anyway, I love them and they make me happy when I run in them, but I guess I’ll have to find a way to deal with the additional attention I get from wearing them.
Maybe when someone says “Oh my God, those shoes are awesome!” I’ll reply with “Oh my God, YOUR shoes are awesome!” or something witty like that.