Oh the Beautiful Splendor of Vienna

I don't know if you've ever been to Vienna, but I haven't. I hear it's nice there. It's known for its mild summers, beautiful architecture and even more beautiful women.
I think it may have been stormed or something once, but I'm not really sure about that.

Why this silly talk about Vienna you ask? Well hang on a second and I'll tell you!

Yesterday, as I sat in my wonderfully decorated "zen like" cube at work, I decided I needed a snack, so I borrowed a dollar from my totally awesome cube neighbor Sheryl -not to be mistaken for Cube Girl- and strolled to the breakroom to hit up the vending machine. Whilst staring at all the delicious treats from which to choose: Doritos, Fritos, salty nuts, Twix bars etc., I thought "these will not do the trick, I need something really delicious. Something exotic that reminds me of my childhood." So I strolled to the other vending machine and decided to take the leap and get the Vienna Sausages.
We recently switched vendors, and for some reason, the new vendors thought it a good idea to put vienna sausages in one of the machines, and for the past month or so, there have been 5 cans of them that nobody has been brave (or stupid) enough to buy.

Well until yesterday that is.

First off, I have to say that I seem to remember really liking them when I was a kid. Hanging out with friends with the vienna sausages flowing like wine. Building forts out of armchairs, couch pillows and blankets and eating Vienna sausages. Sitting on the roof of the house on the Fourth of July to watch fireworks and eating Vienna sausages...wait, I think I dreamed that one.

Anyway, so I buy the damn sausages, grab a plate, fork and knife and go back to my cube to relish in this childhood treat that most likely will even be better now that I'm older and have a wiser pallette.

Yeah, not the case.

Apparently I was born without taste buds and they didn't come in until middle school. Maybe my mom's bad cooking had something to do with my ability to stomach these things. I don't know, but I do know that I took one bite of this atrocity and almost screamed. Not with delight, but horror. I was expecting a hot doggy/spam-ish taste and was hit more with  rat-poison overtones with an ass flavored finish  I can't imagine how something so horrible and vile can still be manufactured in this country (wait, they're from Vienna, nevermind)

I honestly don't know if what I wrote above about Vienna being known for its mild summers and beautiful women is true or not. I really don't know much about it. What I do know is that I will forever associate these demon dogs with it, and for that reason, will never be a tourist there.

Needless to say, I didn't eat them all. I barely ate half of one. I tried to see if anyone in the office wanted them, but all I got were strange looks, so I just left them on some guy's desk.

Next time I'm sticking with the tried and true, made in America, Red Vines.