Best damn soup ever.

So I thought I would share my culinary awesomeness with you. If you read carefully and follow my detailed instructions, maybe, just maaaybe you can make soup as awesome as I do. A lofty goal I know, but you’ll never achieve your dreams if you don’t try.

First step is to choose the most delicious and unhealthy ingredients on the face of the earth. This is not low carb, low fat or low flavor. This is balls out, artery clogging, heart attack inducing, slap your Mother slop -and in my opinion- is what makes the best food. So I picked a bunch of delicious stuff and tossed it in a pot. I’m actually getting fatter just typing about this soup.

Granted, I don’t make this type of stuff that often (I’d be 400 lbs if I did), but a group of us at work are having a “soup exchange”  tomorrow and I figure mine will probably be the best, and if it isn’t, everyone will have dropped dead from a heart attack before they get a chance to realize it wasn’t.

I have to mention that I just now blew my own mind by realizing that I’m such an office drone that I’m even participating in a “soup exchange” in the first place, and second, that I’m actually excited about it. I hate me.

Anyway, back to the ingredients.

 Butter, potatoes, cheese heavy whipping cream, onions, kielbasa, corn and a whole lotta love.

 Always make sure your knife is sharp. If you don’t own a good set of knives, get one. It makes chopping and dicing fun and will save a lot of time.

 Dice the crap out of your damn onions and sauté them in butter. Yes, butter. Delicious, fatty butter. Two sticks of it! Add some damn pepper too.

After cooking your onions down for 10-15 minutes, add your chopped kielbasa and cook for another 10 minutes or so.

Add your damned corn

Add your damned potatoes

DO NOT ADD THIS! Spotted dick has no business hanging around this recipe..

Add a bunch of this. It's sea salt and there’s nothing worse than under-salted, bland food!  Really, if you’ve even considered making this damn soup, salt is the last thing you need to worry about anyway, so dump that shit in there and remember, when cooking, measuring cups and teaspoons are for pussies.

Add your heavy whipping cream and 8 cups water. I think I put in 8 cups, but I’m not really sure. Just put some water in it. If you know your way around the kitchen, you'll know how much is enough.

Once it warms up and the damn potatoes are softening, start shredding that damn cheese into it and again, this isn’t a healthy recipe so man up and use the whole pound.

Once you get it all going, you can whisk in a bit of flour to thicken it up or add more water if it’s too thick and BAM! You have the best damn soup ever.

 Anyway, that’s about it. I guess you could substitute bacon or some kind of ham for the kielbasa, but I think the kielbasa adds a lot more flavor and who doesn’t like flavor?

 I’m going to go taste it now and hope it doesn’t suck.

Ha! Who Am I kidding?

Bon appetite!