I am not an old man!

 A little while back, I was talking to Amy on the phone about when she wanted to come over and if she wanted to watch a movie or something, and I asked her “Have you eaten dinner yet?” to which she replied “Honey, it’s 4:30 in the afternoon. What the hell is wrong with you? You're such an old man!”

I am SO not an old man!

So I like to eat an early dinner. What’s the big deal? The only reason I like to eat so early is because I wake up at 5am and I get hungry early.

The only reason I wake up at 5am because I like to go to bed at 8:30-9:00. The reason I go to bed so early is because I like to sleep.

So what if I have a hard time staying awake after 10:00 on a Saturday. I could stay up late if I wanted! Just the other night, Amy and I had a pretty wicked game of Scrabble going on until at least 11:00. It was awesome! Of course I didn’t really have any regular time on the toilet for a couple days, but that’s what happens when your sleeping schedule gets thrown completely out of whack!

So what if I don’t’ like to drive over 60 mph on the freeway or drive after dark. Speeding is dangerous! I could get in an accident and that’s the last thing I need. Do you have any idea how much prescription medication costs, especially when I’m on a fixed income?  Speeding also wastes gas and gas is expensive! When I was a kid, gas was .50 a gallon. Everything is so damn expensive nowadays.

Driving at night is dangerous too. After dark is when all the damn teenagers are out speeding all over town, blasting their rock and roll music, smoking the pot and probably having sex. That’s probably when they mess with my lawn, too. DAMN KIDS! If I ever catch them I’m gonna kick their asses from hell to breakfast! The other night, on my third trip to the bathroom (or was it my fourth) I looked out the blinds and I swear I saw some of those little bastards walking down the street, up to no good I’m sure.

So what if I’m bald and deaf as a post? I was in a rock band 20 or so years ago and…well…um…

20 years ago….

So I go to bed early, wake up early and eat dinner early. Lots of people do that.

Outside of some Motrin, my medicine cabinet is medicine free. There is no prune juice or fiber supplements in my fridge and I can still walk without assistance (although my back is usually pretty stiff in the morning)

I am a young, spry 40-something and I’ll be damned if I’ll be called an old man yet!

Now where did I put my glasses?