Dollar Tree Delicasies.

So you can probably assume by my previous food posts, I like to eat. I'll eat damn near anything and will certainly TRY anything once.

On my weekly trips to the Dollar Tree Store, I enjoy finding neat little things. You know, things like candles, socks and the occasional box of Arabian Froot Loopies cereal.
For some reason though, I am especially drawn towards the freezer section, so I buy these atrocities, always hoping they'll be delicious.

I mean really, how bad could they be, right?

Dish #1 Mexican Style Beef Enchilada & Tamale Combo

 I don't know about you, but I LOVE Mexican food. I could probably eat it every day and let me tell you, there is no shortage of taquerias in my neighborhood. But who needs a taqueria when you can get delicious foodstuffs like this for the everyday low price of $1?
This looks SO good! I can't WAIT!

 Okay, so it doesn't look quite like the picture, but hey, rarely does a McDonald's cheeseburger, and they're always delicious.

 I've decided that I really could have waited. I can't tell which is the enchilada and which is the tamale either by sight or taste. I wonder how much they pay the employees at the Banquet factory to vomit in tortillas and also, what exactly are they vomiting in them. Probably leftover Salisbury steak is my guess.
Sad to say, but the baby poop refried bean are the high point of this meal and that's not saying much.

Dish #2 Macaroni and Cheese Meal (with rich cheddar cheese sauce)

 Oh how I do love my macaroni and cheese. I actually have an amazing recipe for homemade baked mac & cheese I got from my skank of an ex girlfriend. It's pretty easy to make (and so is she), so I don't see how Banquet could have screwed this one up.

 Okay, so now I see how they could have screwed this up. I don't really even know what to say about this one other than it's apparently a good source of calcium. It's also a good source of explosive diarrhea.
I didn't even want to eat it, but I made myself play "Open the tunnel, here comes the choo choo train" and choked down a couple bites. I guess I could have doctored it up with some rat poison and wood chips or something.

Dish #3  Zesty Smothered Meat Patty Meal

 I just bought this one for the novelty. I can't imagine anyone in their right mind would actually see this and think "Mmmm....that sounds good." I know I didn't.
The presentation on the box is kinda nice though....

The freshly nuked product is not quite so yummy looking. The smell alone was enough to send Tex running for cover. As awful as everything I've tried so far has been, this is definitely the topper, man. I literally had to spit it out.
You have to wonder: Who the hell actually thought that a zesty smothered meat pattie was a good idea in the first place. I dunno, maybe the guy who owns Banquet had a Grandmother that made a really great zesty smothered meat patty or something. If so, somewhere between Grandma's kitchen and the freezer aisle, the recipe was lost. Grandma is turning in her grave.
All I can say is that if I am ever starving on a deserted island with you, a microwave and this meal, you better start runnin'.

I think next time I have the bright idea to do this, I'll just grab a hammer and hit myself with it a few times instead. I don't know what's worse, that I actually ate these damn things or that I'm sitting at home on a Friday night blogging about it.

I'm gonna go lay on the floor and regret this now.

Tums please.